Yesterday morning before my run I got up early, and sat down on the rug in the quiet dark and just stretched and took deep breaths. I thought of where I am, where I've been, and where I want to be. And how that totally depends on my mindset. It depends on my dedication, my determination, and casting any negative thoughts out of my life. This is as close to a meditation as I could muster at this point. No burning candles, no chanting, no trances. Just a moment of affirmation. It was brief, and perhaps not as "cleansing" as true meditation might be. But a small step was taken and for that I'm proud.
In one of my yoga classes I had an instructor who would tell us before we would go into savasana that we should release our "dragon breath." I feel like this is what I need to do. Every morning. Breathe out the burning fire and breathe in the cool fresh air.
Speaking of cool and fresh, the temps were in the upper 40's Monday morning and I took advantage on my 5 miler. When it's cold I hustle; and my pace reflected how chilly I was. I was shocked to see my pace in the 7:20's less than 24 hours after a 20 mile trail run. I did wrong though; Ryan said for me to go easy and that pace was not easy. I was pushing. Why I cannot listen to his wisdom is beyond me. Sometimes, when I'm out there alone in the dark, I feel like I've got something to prove.
This morning it was almost like Groundhog Day. Got up, did my quiet pep talk in the dark, and took to the road again and managed a 7 miler at a 7:40 pace. It's getting a bit easier… well, until the end. I pushed at the end. Finish strong.
Less than a half hour later I was burning up in spin class. I closed my eyes and just focused. Definitely uncomfortable, but not in pain. Got off the bike and did some weights and core work. Felt good to not focus on the run so much and branch out to the arms a bit. I'll be sore tomorrow.
I have been eating very, very well the past few days. Totally plant fueled and feeling good. I've been focusing on my protein and eating lots of chickpeas and hummus, tons of veggies. Less sugar. Taking my multivitamin and B12. I am down 4 lbs since the beginning of the month, close to my pre-ironman weight last year. Haven't been drinking enough water, however. Still drinking too much coffee. Have to work on those things. I ALWAYS have to work on THOSE things, it seems.
On Day 3 of this "Wake Up" program I am supposed to remind myself of my victories, and they are victories that were direct results of positive changes I've made. Not intended to be a brag-fest, it's an exercise to remind yourself that you are capable of goals you have set before yourself, even when you were in a place of not believing. It's like a reminder and proof that the method works.
My victories. With respect to my hobbies (running, triathlon) I think I have a few victories to report, I guess.
1. My very first race was a half marathon in September of 2008 (age 38). I wanted to start running and finish running… no walking. That was my goal. I did it. I remember how hard it was, but I pushed through the misery… the hip pain, the heat, the desire to quit. I finished with a time of 2:27:13. From a girl who couldn't run a full mile the year before, it was a big feat and a victory.
2. I wanted to do a full marathon when I turned 40. I did the training solo and I was not very motivated. A girl online had agreed to do the race with me, but backed out with 2 months left of training. I held my ground and showed up at the starting line of the OBX Marathon with only one sad 16 mile training run under my belt. My goal was to see if I could finish in less than 5 hours. Thanks to the kindness of a stranger who ran the whole way with me and encouraged me, I finished the race in 4:48:33. I vowed to do it again, and better.
3. In 2012 I participated in my first official sprint triathlon after buying a road bike off CraigsList and practicing with a group of very supportive cyclists. The ocean swim made me nervous but I felt okay on the bike and surprised myself on the run. I truly shocked myself with a strong finish, taking 2nd in my age group, and 17th female overall. A new passion was born and I immediately wanted to take it to the next level. A month later I ran the Richmond Marathon with a friend who pushed me… and finished in 3:49:23, only 4 minutes off Boston qualification and a whole HOUR improvement on my very first marathon performance 2 years prior.
4. In May of 2013 I participated in my first half ironman distance triathlon. It was the toughest event in my memory, if I'm being honest. Going from extremes of severe cold to blazing hot, all while being under fueled and dehydrated. I went about the whole thing wrong. But somehow I ended up 1st on the podium in my age group. I still loved it. I decided I was truly hooked to the sport… either that, or making myself suffer.
5. In September of 2103 I did the full ironman distance. I look back at the event fondly now, but it was crazy HARD. I crossed the finish line in 12 hours and ten minutes, alongside my training partner, who was an exceptionally better athlete than me and pushed me hard all summer. I got third female overall and won a check for $500. I got a plaque that said I was third place in the Mid-Atlantic region USA Triathlon Championships. It was the only plaque I proudly displayed on my dresser, and possibly the one event that I am most proud of as an athlete. I still look back at that moment and wonder if that was really me.
6. Two weeks after the ironman I ran the Wineglass Marathon in 3:43:52, BARELY qualifying for the Boston Marathon. Ironically, that was my dream goal at the end of 2012 but triathlon sucked me into an abyss and Boston seemed like an afterthought by the time I got to New York. Endurance training got me through it, but my body was wracked. Still so proud of the accomplishment.
7. In December 2013 I ran my first ultra: a Trail 50K through a state park. I took second place in my age group and was the 6th female overall.
8. Winter '13-'14 I ran the Tidewater Distance Series (10, 15, and 20 milers) and became the first female overall for the entire series.
And that was my dream year. Many "victories."
Because this exercise is to highlight the positive, I will leave it at that. Tomorrow I will have to touch on the negative, and what has to change.
In te meantime, yoga soothes my soul.
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