These Days

Truth be told I am in a funny phase of training right now. A funny phase altogether, really.

The "in earnest" training for Boston starts after the holidays. I've downloaded two plans… one directly from the Boston Athletic Association's website and another provided to my friend Shelly a couple of years ago when she qualified. Shelly's plan is from Fleet Feet, and BAA's looks to be a little harder. I think I'll probably sit down with both over the holidays and decide between a happy medium between the two.

I want to challenge myself. I'd like to see where I can go, what I'm capable of.

But I also want to enjoy myself. My Team in Training coach reminded me not to go to Boston and not see Boston. He said he could picture me getting to the starting line, and once the gun goes off go into such a zone that I don't even see the sights around me. I know that could happen.

He said most people (unless you're a pro or a freak) work hard to QUALIFY, then show up in Boston to run the race just for the scenery and the experience of it, not to PR.

Well, I AM a freak, and I had my reasons for deciding to make Boston my big PR goal. But I'm starting to relax the reigns a little. I am just hoping that if I let go a little of the mental pressure while trying to stay disciplined, I have to trust everything will fall into its place and natural order. If I put the work in, I will do fine. If I stress, it's not worth it. It's always an endeavor to find a happy medium.

So… this weekend is the big 50K trail run. My approach is simple. Just take it easy, put one foot in front of the other, don't fall, hydrate like crazy, and make it to the finish line in whatever fashion my body tells me it can handle. I will start slow and finish slow, and that's a promise. I did a 24 miler the other day and was totally fine the next day. I'm putting no pressure on myself. I'm hoping to make it a  social run, and hang with some folks who will make the 5 hours pass easily.

Then… the holidays. As usual, I have not been very organized this year, and not all gifts have been purchased. Christmas cards have not been sent out. I am not Martha Stewart and never will be. That gene didn't make it into my DNA. For most of my life I felt guilty because of it. Slowly but surely, I am accepting that it takes all types to make this world go round, and pretending that I'm Miss Crafty-Cook is not gonna happen. And it's okay.

 We're going out of town, and attending a volleyball tournament. It will be hard to train, and hard to eat well. But I'm going to do my best and that is all.

When I get back, I plan to really and truly focus on the Boston journey. Starting December 29 the 16 week plan begins, and I'm ready with a good base. I'm also going to focus on my diet even more. Cutting simple sugars and complex carbs in bread and chips will be a big, big goal for me. It'll be hard, because my calorie burn will be revving up. Been down that road before and the cravings are wicked awful. Also with have the big rule of no alcoholic beverages during the weekdays at all, PERIOD. I will replace me stress management with yoga. Every day. I want to PROMISE myself these things. I have the discipline.

In the meantime, I continue to try to soak up this time, and appreciate all the moments. I am surrounded by beauty. There was a time in my life when I didn't notice. I was so immersed in the wrong things. I didn't get outside. I didn't move my body and breathe clean air. I put the wrong fuels into my mouth and felt a lethargy and fatigue that was so much my norm I never knew I could feel different.

This is 10 minutes outside my door. Not to be missed.

Sunrises remind me that there is always a chance for a better day than yesterday. Yesterday happened. It might have been great, it might have been bad. But here's a fresh start, and an opportunity for a great one again.

My tri buddy out on the road. It was ice cold and hard to ride. But the sunrise shot was worth the numb fingers.

View this morning on the run. Peace, bliss, serenity. Not to be missed.

The next three-four months will be very important to me for many reasons. It will be a journey to see what I'm made of and how I can handle the physical and emotional pressure. It will be a test of my fortitude, my resolve, and more. I hope I stay the course and not buckle. It's all in the attitude, the will.

And appreciate the opportunity. Appreciate all of it.

The Harbor Lights Half Marathon 2014

Nothing may be more frustrating than writing an entire race report on your phone app, only to lose all of it. Entirely. (Insert favorite expletive here). This race happened over two weeks ago now, and I wrote a pretty lengthy and detailed post about it, only to find it completely and absolutely DELETED.

I haven't had the time or mental fortitude to rewrite it. And I probably can't truly recount it like I did in that original post, but I have to believe that it's for a reason. Now I'll be short, sweet, and to the point.

So I ran a half marathon a couple of weeks ago. It was the inaugural Harbor Lights Half Marathon in Norfolk, Virginia: a scenic course that winds you the streets of Norfolk and along the edge of the Elizabeth River.

I met up with some of the members of our No Meat Athlete running group for a pre-race pic:

So… a few things.

First, I hadn't run this distance in an official race since March of 2013. I had to look back and verify that. Really??? My PR for the distance was about a 1:44… stupid fast for me at the time.

But I really felt the pressure to see how the past few months of training with a coach (for three months anyway) and a strategy (well… sort of a strategy) would reflect itself in my race performance.

The night before the race I engulfed myself in stressful thoughts of how I would do. How I would execute. Could I discipline myself to certain paces? Would I fuel and hydrate as I know I should? I was literally a hot mess of anxiety. Which in hindsight, I find ridiculous. It's not like I was after a bid to the Olympics. I just wanted to prove myself to… myself.

So as I stood next to Shelly at the starting line I recounted my inner dialogue.

And then the "gun" went off and I shot out of there like a cannon. Like the racehorse that responds only to adrenaline. Like an idiot.

Soooo…. within seconds my discipline turned into brainlessness, and I completed the first mile in 7:10… oh, only about a whole half minute faster than planned. And once that ball was in motion (and I rudely abandoned Shelly) I wouldn't allow myself to slow down (intentionally, that is). I pushed and pushed and pushed. 

If there ever was a word to describe my attitude and mood, it was just pure angry determination. I hate to admit that I'm an angry runner. And on most days I'm not. But on this day I just had some penned up fire that I needed to allow to burn up. So I gave it my all.

Tried to keep up with this amazing girl who was only a few strides ahead of me (later I would find out her name is Carla) but in the end she had more in the tank those last couple of miles.

I crossed the finish in 1:38:20, a new PR for me by about 6 minutes.

And here is my amazing new coach. I abandoned her to charge ahead like an idiot, but she did the valiant thing and hung back with her hubby and was fighting off a sinus infection and the FLU. She still PR'ed with a 1:41. Unbelievable!

And here is the amazing John Dempsey on his journey to becoming a plant powered marathon man:

And here is my Wicked partner in crime, Lauren. We didn't hunt down any deer this time, but we did hunt for some Blue Moon at the beer tent.

More post race fun:

Coach Butterball Bob

The Team in Training gang. Great peeps.

Official results are in. 

On day 1, it looked like I landed a second place in my age group. But after everything was sorted out, I came in third. 

22/1556 females. I'm pretty proud of that. And 131/2598 finishers. Top 5%. Not bad for someone who couldn't run one mile straight 5 years ago.

I continue on with my training. I have a trail 50K in less than 2 weeks. I'm not ready. I ran 24 miles on Sunday, but took a couple of breaks. It will be interesting.

Then come January 1st the REAL fine tuning for Boston begins, and I need to get my mind right again.

5 Months To Go.

So it's "official" I guess, I have a new coach. It's my good friend Shelly, who saw me to my first sub-four hour marathon in 2012. We started doing some runs together since her recovery from having her second baby, and she is back with a vengeance. Shelly ran track in college and is a smart cookie. She listened to me boo hoo a bit on our runs and decided she was going to pull up her old training plan from when she qualified for Boston a few years ago, and tailor a plan for us to be marathon strong this spring. And she'd do the training with me.

She also knows I want to keep a base for my triathlon season next year, so she worked diligently over the weekend to create a plan that includes my cross training.

I had been focusing so much on the run with Ryan's plan, so I really scaled back on the bike and basically haven't been swimming at all. I decided to get back on the bike a bit before the temperatures plummet to an intolerable level.

Fall is beautiful and I really enjoyed the last few bike rides I have done, before the leaves turn brown, wither, and fly away.

My runs have been pretty decent. I got a fast 4.5 miler in yesterday with an average of 7:19/mile. That's super fast for me. I have a half marathon on Sunday and high hopes for a PR. My best time for 13.1 miles is 1:44. I think I can do it.

Still trying to get a little outdoor yoga in, but daylight is just disappearing and the temps make it hard to be warm and flexible.

I don't HATE any pose in yoga per se, but there are a few that are very challenging for me. It's just a fact that when you hit your forties, the back just doesn't want to bend deeply, regardless of your past history of super bendy flexibility. This one makes me gasp and groan:

Bow.

This is just not the prettiest either, mainly because I just can't get the deep bend going and lift the chest. But they say that avoiding the asanas that are difficult is bad practice. That even at my age I can regain a ton of flexibility that will serve me well if I keep trying, every day if possible. So I will backbend a lot.

Onward!!!!

Role Reversal

Again, it's been a while since blogging. Not my intent when I started this thing. I miss writing, but right now it seems like an overindulgence in a time when life is busy and demands me to use my spare time productively.

And, as usual, lots and lots of things going on. Mostly in a good way. But nothing ever expected. Which has its own beauty and design.

The first thing is that my coach for Boston had literally fallen off the face of the earth. He'd been off the grid for over a week, not responding to messages or emails. I was over a week and a half without a plan for the next 4 week cycle. The Type A nut job side of me wanted to bang my head against the wall and bite every fingernail off, or pull each hair out of my head in a panic.

BUT… I am slowly evolving into a different creature, thanks to the calm and positive affirmations I am teaching myself to use every day. NO ONE should put all their hopes and dreams completely in someone else's hands. I learned this lesson all too well last year. My goal and efforts are mine alone. I have a brain in my head and shoes on my feet. I know how to move forward. Ask questions. Do the research. Execute the workouts. So onward I go. I have rationalized that this was meant to be this way for whatever reason. That perhaps the Universe decided that this was how I was supposed to learn how to develop confidence and figure out what I need to do.

So…. as I typed all of that out I got a message from him, but no plan attached.

Onward. It'll all be okay. Life happens to other people. I know he's a great guy, but he just has priorities. It's time for me to remember my dream is not the only thing that exists in other people's minds and lives.

Speaking of coaches…

A while back I mentioned that I am co-leader of the No Meat Athlete running group here in Virginia Beach. Also a member of this group is an amazing guy named John Dempsey who lost about 150 lbs on a plant based diet, and has found his inner running junkie. John is quite the character and completely inspirational. When his friend Josh LaJaunie completed the New York City Marathon about two weeks ago, he was completely inspired and said that one day he wanted to run one too.

Why not start training for one? I became the devil on his shoulder. He was already doing 10 miles+ at this stage, and I thought 5 months was plenty of time to pick up the distances and be ready for his first full. I offered my support in terms of a plan and motivation. He seemed hesitant at first, but after a good discussion on a group run last Saturday, he said he was in. He is going to go for it. And I've a greed to be his "coach."

I think it's the perfect time for this big goal; John's gone through some amazing changes in the past couple of years… a story so inspiring Rich Roll posted a picture of him on his Facebook page. And if you don't know who Rich Roll is, you need to IMMEDIATELY go to Amazon and order his book Finding Ultra. I would say this book was the vehicle for my dietary changes and the inspiration to push on with my passion for endurance training. His podcast is one of the most listened to of all of the fitness and health offerings on iTunes.

Speaking of diet, I don't talk much about it with respect to my training here. I'm definitely more about the workouts, but since joining my veggie group I've become more inspired to focus on my fuel. The honest truth is this: I don't do my nutrition as well as I should. It's not a focus. But here's where I go wrong: I eat minimally in the morning. Sometimes only a banana and coffee. I go and do a heavy workout. I eat a fruit and nut bar. Then I eat a salad and a piece of fruit for lunch. The salad is usually awesome.

But then the end of day hits and my body is STARVING. I get home from work sometimes as late as 8-9 pm and I want to stuff my face. Veggie burger, bread, anything with carbs… and then throw in a glass (or two) of wine, and the next thing you know the bulk of my calories are consumed late at night.

And did I mention that I drink waaaaaay too much coffee?

Kinda love this mug.

There are so many things to change here. 

In my fantasy world, I become interested in cooking (I hate spending time in the kitchen… just put me on a bicycle instead) cool gourmet vegan dishes like tempeh salad and bean and sweet potato stew. I drink water with lemon all day and and have a steaming cup of green tea instead of coffee. I have no alcohol on weekdays… and only a glass or two on the weekends if I'm out with friends or celebrating after a race. I've thought about completely abstaining from alcohol altogether. I do love a good glass of wine, though. And a super cold beer after a hard race. I have too much German blood in me.

I think about these things but another day begins and my ingrained vices start before I've even had a chance to allow my neurons in my brain to fire. Im already sipping that coffee and looking at the clock and thinking I don't have time to eat a big breakfast before I run, and the last thing I want is a full stomach. So I run on empty and I'm in a rush and don't eat that breakfast. I eat my salad at lunch, but I'm not satiated. And the cycle continues.

I know the answer. It's not one of life's difficult unsolved mysteries. It's like anything. You know what you need to do, you just make the DECISION that you will change, and you do. Maybe it's one thing at a time. Maybe it's the replacement of coffee with tea. Maybe it's making overnight oats in the fridge or having the fruit cut up and Vitamix set out. These are conscious decisions and the discipline to execute them and make them the new norm.

It is my hope and my goal to get better in this aspect of my training journey, as much as the running, the  cycling, the swim, or the yoga.

Aaaah… the yoga.

On the running front, I keep plugging away. I foolishly signed up for a 50K that will take place in about 5-6 weeks, and don't have the mileage behind me to fare well. I just have many friends who will be there and I want to be a part of it. I will take it very slow and just find my way to the finish line, no lofty goals or expectations.

My shorter runs have improved. I threw down a 5 miler yesterday with an average pace of 7:22. My body is acclimating a bit to faster paces. I have big hopes of getting a PR at the upcoming Harbor Lights Half Marathon in a week and a half. I should be able to do it unless things stack against me.

In the meantime, I will keep it moving! I have John to focus on, and will keep my discipline in order to keep my Boston training intact.

The Next Phase

So my last post was a little "funky" as one might describe it… a consequence of the war that sometimes wages between the two aspects of my personality: the girl who wants to overachieve and do MORE and get BETTER (before Father Time makes it impossible)... and the girl who wants and NEEDS to reign herself in, and feel peace with where she is, feeling no pressure to be more than what she is at this very moment. And totally fine with it.

When I started this "Road to Boston" blog my intention was to be Miss Factual Serious-Pants: I had a goal. I want to achieve it. This is how I do it. Nuts and bolts. No fluff. No whining. Shut up. Execute. Report the results.

But I realized something as I started this "new" journey and goal… and that is that this phase of my life requires my authenticity. The numbers mean little. The miles don't even mean much, if the heart behind the effort isn't whole and full. Life isn't always full of fluffy puffy clouds and positive days. But we choose how to offset the gray, rainy, and dismal days. They are just a part of it all. Accept them. Embrace them. They cannot be avoided.

Over the past couple of days I've let so many things bother me. I took things personally. I got bitter. It's the classic blunder: we create our own reality by judging the actions of others without asking the questions.

I have become obsessive about my goals and dreams. It is the consequence of having to put things aside  for so many months while I reevaluate my life and passions. I cannot expect anyone else to completely understand. How could they? They haven't walked in my shoes, experienced my highs and lows, or understand why. how, or what makes me tick. I'm not sure I even know myself.

So when I hired a coach I wanted accountability. I wanted someone with a shitload of experience to tell me what I was doing wrong and how to fix it. I wanted feedback. I wanted a swift kick in the ass. I wanted someone to care as much as I did (do) about the outcome of my efforts. I was willing to pay for it. Pay beyond my means. As if this would fix the some insatiable need in me to prove that I CAN and am ABLE to achieve beyond my expectations for myself.

But… as life would have it, my hired coach is a busy man with many clients. My journey is only one of many… including his own. He needs to prioritize… and unfortunately my needs are a little low on the list at the moment.

Texts unanswered, plan not delivered. And I have a choice. Become outraged and embittered, or just press on.

And so...

And the choice is to try to move forward, and feel the positivity!

I am blessed to have so many encouraging people in my life who are willing to help me on this journey. Often times I have to remind myself that I am not worthy of it, but I am so full of gratitude that I have them. The other alternative is a straightjacket and a lockdown in the psych ward.

And when desperate times call for desperate measures, there is my paddle board:

Namaste.

The next phase starts tomorrow.

Gear Shifts and Zen Training

Today
(by Mary Oliver)

Today I'm flying low and I'm
not saying a word.
I'm letting all of the voodoos of ambition
sleep.

The world goes on as it must,
the bees in the garden rumbling a little,
the fish leaping, the gnats getting eaten.
And so forth.

But I'm taking the day off.
Quiet as a feather.
I hardly move though I'm really traveling
a terrific distance.

Stillness. 
One of the doors
into the temple.

Not saying a word.

A few days ago:

On Halloween I found my alter ego begging me to go past the domain of my coach's training plan. I ran a sub 8 min paced 10 miler with Shelly and immediately drove to meet my friend Ted for a 30 mile bike ride with much of it into a headwind. I had only eaten a banana for breakfast and the last 10 miles on the bike were tough, as a perfectly predictable bonk ensued. I found myself seething with disappointment in myself. Pathetic. A shadow of your former ironman self. Kick the dirt, spit on it, negativity eating me alive.

On Saturday I worked for a friend who wanted to go camping with his son. I watched my older daughter scrimmage a volleyball team from Williamsburg.  I drove my daughter to two birthday parties. I didn't run, bike, or swim a meter. I monitored the results of the New York City Marathon. One of the participants was a man from Louisiana named Josh Lajaunie who I learned about on the Rich Roll podcast. He weighed over 400 lbs, and dropped to less than 200 lbs on a plant based diet and the newly found love of running. Such an inspiration… one of my favorite and most memorable podcasts.

Well darned if one of my No Meat Athlete running group buddies knows Josh, and connected me with him on Facebook and Strava. We shared some encouraging words over the phone after my 10K 2 weeks ago, and I was thrilled to see his updates through the race, and see his amazing finish in less than 4 hours.

Sunday morning the temperatures dropped to the low 40's, the winds gusted up to 35 mph, and the cold rain fell sideways. I had planned to meet my coach and the rest of the group for a long run… there was even the suggestion that my coach would pace me. But no one else showed. The weather was nightmarish. But I had some angry determination and ran into that headwind all by myself. After a few miles I wasn't cold, and the rain didn't bother me anymore. I kept my pace more conservative and kept running until I had to stop to attend a soccer game. 12 miles. And to my surprise it didn't feel like anything.

And last night as I was getting grumpy because my coach hadn't touched base with me. No plan in place for the next 4 weeks. And then…

I just took a deep breath.

Be quiet.

Let the voodoos of ambition sleep.

I took a rest day today.

And I keep letting go little by little.

October Sky

The days are getting shorter and shorter.

While I love the cooler weather for running, I am missing my sunrises and sunsets. It's getting dark so quickly now that I can't get home in time to catch them much anymore.

Sky gazing has been so therapeutic for me. Looking at something as vast, expansive, and beautiful puts things into perspective.

The sky is vast. I am small. So are my worries and problems. The Universe swallows them up.

Training continues. More later.

The Wicked 10K 2014

So I wish I was in a better mood to write a great race report, but… here it goes.

I've said it numerous times but this has been a very different year from last year, but in the past few months I decided to work with a running coach and do a more structured approach to my training and focus on a PR in Boston 2015. I've never had expert direction before, and honestly, never really thought I could stick to the plan. But I've been trying to do it. It helps take my mind off my ironman dreams being put on hold.

And I caught the bug again to RACE. Just get out there and be involved in an event with a medal, a post race party, and good buddies.

So instead of doing the Beach 2 Battleship Full Distance Triathlon as originally planned, I did the Wicked 10K here in Virginia Beach on Saturday morning. Slight differences in mileage, but a race nonetheless.

My good friend Lauren and I decided to dress up as hunters and chase down our prey: Lauren's husband, aka "Bambi".

Mmmmm Bambi

 So I know, I know. What a raunchy costume for a vegan. I'm sure some of my plant-based buddies were horrified at my ironic and paradoxical joke. But… it was funny, after all, and even more so to know that the deer was far behind us stifled in his latex mask trying to ventilate and lived to drink a beer with us after the race (or two).

Race morning was beautiful. You couldn't ask for better. Sunny and in the upper 50's low 60's. I was stupid and ran a 12 miler with a tempo finish the day before, but I figured it was just 6 miles. My PR for this distance was a 52:22, set in 2011 I think, and so even if I was a bit tired I thought a new PR was in reach.

I decided to try to hold pace with Lauren, who has trained her ass off in the past year and is a recent ironman. Her paces have been dropping like a bomb. She was rested and ready. I felt okay, but reminded myself that I'm 17 years her senior so I needed to get a reality check.

We took off and finished our first mile in 7:06. Second mile 7:08. I wasn't feelin' it. We turned into the wind on the boardwalk and I felt a wave of fatigue. Lauren surged ahead a bit. I didn't have the fire to turn it on then so while I kept her blazing orange vest in my sights I couldn't catch up.

I didn't feel miserable, but challenged. The last mile was a bit better running with the wind behind us. I saw Lauren cross the finish about 30 seconds before me but I had a lil' bit in the tank to pick it up slightly.

I was happy with my time. A PR by 7 whole minutes.

See? Bambi lived.

LOL

I found out I got first in my age group. I'm not going to lie. This was BIG for me. It was a huge race.. over 5 thousand people.

Privately, I felt like crying a little for so many reasons. First and foremost, I felt proud for running it faster than I imagined I could. The training my coach has been designing for me has really started to show its efficacy lately. After the Shamrock Marathon over 7 months ago I went through a mental and physical breakdown and wondered if I could ever regain my mojo and my heart for this sport. Whether that was the "peak" and I would start my downslide. 

But it seems I still have a little left in me.

But mostly, I was feeling less of an athlete because I had to defer that ironman, and like I was only a fraction of the person I was last year. This race was the shot in the arm I needed to feel strength again. I felt the possibilities in me. I felt hopeful. Energized. It made all of my recent disappointments evaporate away for a day.

Trophy day. 

Now onward. I feel like I need to keep beast mode alive. I have a half marathon in exactly one month and another PR in my sights, so I will continue to keep myself toeing the line.