These Days

Truth be told I am in a funny phase of training right now. A funny phase altogether, really.

The "in earnest" training for Boston starts after the holidays. I've downloaded two plans… one directly from the Boston Athletic Association's website and another provided to my friend Shelly a couple of years ago when she qualified. Shelly's plan is from Fleet Feet, and BAA's looks to be a little harder. I think I'll probably sit down with both over the holidays and decide between a happy medium between the two.

I want to challenge myself. I'd like to see where I can go, what I'm capable of.

But I also want to enjoy myself. My Team in Training coach reminded me not to go to Boston and not see Boston. He said he could picture me getting to the starting line, and once the gun goes off go into such a zone that I don't even see the sights around me. I know that could happen.

He said most people (unless you're a pro or a freak) work hard to QUALIFY, then show up in Boston to run the race just for the scenery and the experience of it, not to PR.

Well, I AM a freak, and I had my reasons for deciding to make Boston my big PR goal. But I'm starting to relax the reigns a little. I am just hoping that if I let go a little of the mental pressure while trying to stay disciplined, I have to trust everything will fall into its place and natural order. If I put the work in, I will do fine. If I stress, it's not worth it. It's always an endeavor to find a happy medium.

So… this weekend is the big 50K trail run. My approach is simple. Just take it easy, put one foot in front of the other, don't fall, hydrate like crazy, and make it to the finish line in whatever fashion my body tells me it can handle. I will start slow and finish slow, and that's a promise. I did a 24 miler the other day and was totally fine the next day. I'm putting no pressure on myself. I'm hoping to make it a  social run, and hang with some folks who will make the 5 hours pass easily.

Then… the holidays. As usual, I have not been very organized this year, and not all gifts have been purchased. Christmas cards have not been sent out. I am not Martha Stewart and never will be. That gene didn't make it into my DNA. For most of my life I felt guilty because of it. Slowly but surely, I am accepting that it takes all types to make this world go round, and pretending that I'm Miss Crafty-Cook is not gonna happen. And it's okay.

 We're going out of town, and attending a volleyball tournament. It will be hard to train, and hard to eat well. But I'm going to do my best and that is all.

When I get back, I plan to really and truly focus on the Boston journey. Starting December 29 the 16 week plan begins, and I'm ready with a good base. I'm also going to focus on my diet even more. Cutting simple sugars and complex carbs in bread and chips will be a big, big goal for me. It'll be hard, because my calorie burn will be revving up. Been down that road before and the cravings are wicked awful. Also with have the big rule of no alcoholic beverages during the weekdays at all, PERIOD. I will replace me stress management with yoga. Every day. I want to PROMISE myself these things. I have the discipline.

In the meantime, I continue to try to soak up this time, and appreciate all the moments. I am surrounded by beauty. There was a time in my life when I didn't notice. I was so immersed in the wrong things. I didn't get outside. I didn't move my body and breathe clean air. I put the wrong fuels into my mouth and felt a lethargy and fatigue that was so much my norm I never knew I could feel different.

This is 10 minutes outside my door. Not to be missed.

Sunrises remind me that there is always a chance for a better day than yesterday. Yesterday happened. It might have been great, it might have been bad. But here's a fresh start, and an opportunity for a great one again.

My tri buddy out on the road. It was ice cold and hard to ride. But the sunrise shot was worth the numb fingers.

View this morning on the run. Peace, bliss, serenity. Not to be missed.

The next three-four months will be very important to me for many reasons. It will be a journey to see what I'm made of and how I can handle the physical and emotional pressure. It will be a test of my fortitude, my resolve, and more. I hope I stay the course and not buckle. It's all in the attitude, the will.

And appreciate the opportunity. Appreciate all of it.

The Harbor Lights Half Marathon 2014

Nothing may be more frustrating than writing an entire race report on your phone app, only to lose all of it. Entirely. (Insert favorite expletive here). This race happened over two weeks ago now, and I wrote a pretty lengthy and detailed post about it, only to find it completely and absolutely DELETED.

I haven't had the time or mental fortitude to rewrite it. And I probably can't truly recount it like I did in that original post, but I have to believe that it's for a reason. Now I'll be short, sweet, and to the point.

So I ran a half marathon a couple of weeks ago. It was the inaugural Harbor Lights Half Marathon in Norfolk, Virginia: a scenic course that winds you the streets of Norfolk and along the edge of the Elizabeth River.

I met up with some of the members of our No Meat Athlete running group for a pre-race pic:

So… a few things.

First, I hadn't run this distance in an official race since March of 2013. I had to look back and verify that. Really??? My PR for the distance was about a 1:44… stupid fast for me at the time.

But I really felt the pressure to see how the past few months of training with a coach (for three months anyway) and a strategy (well… sort of a strategy) would reflect itself in my race performance.

The night before the race I engulfed myself in stressful thoughts of how I would do. How I would execute. Could I discipline myself to certain paces? Would I fuel and hydrate as I know I should? I was literally a hot mess of anxiety. Which in hindsight, I find ridiculous. It's not like I was after a bid to the Olympics. I just wanted to prove myself to… myself.

So as I stood next to Shelly at the starting line I recounted my inner dialogue.

And then the "gun" went off and I shot out of there like a cannon. Like the racehorse that responds only to adrenaline. Like an idiot.

Soooo…. within seconds my discipline turned into brainlessness, and I completed the first mile in 7:10… oh, only about a whole half minute faster than planned. And once that ball was in motion (and I rudely abandoned Shelly) I wouldn't allow myself to slow down (intentionally, that is). I pushed and pushed and pushed. 

If there ever was a word to describe my attitude and mood, it was just pure angry determination. I hate to admit that I'm an angry runner. And on most days I'm not. But on this day I just had some penned up fire that I needed to allow to burn up. So I gave it my all.

Tried to keep up with this amazing girl who was only a few strides ahead of me (later I would find out her name is Carla) but in the end she had more in the tank those last couple of miles.

I crossed the finish in 1:38:20, a new PR for me by about 6 minutes.

And here is my amazing new coach. I abandoned her to charge ahead like an idiot, but she did the valiant thing and hung back with her hubby and was fighting off a sinus infection and the FLU. She still PR'ed with a 1:41. Unbelievable!

And here is the amazing John Dempsey on his journey to becoming a plant powered marathon man:

And here is my Wicked partner in crime, Lauren. We didn't hunt down any deer this time, but we did hunt for some Blue Moon at the beer tent.

More post race fun:

Coach Butterball Bob

The Team in Training gang. Great peeps.

Official results are in. 

On day 1, it looked like I landed a second place in my age group. But after everything was sorted out, I came in third. 

22/1556 females. I'm pretty proud of that. And 131/2598 finishers. Top 5%. Not bad for someone who couldn't run one mile straight 5 years ago.

I continue on with my training. I have a trail 50K in less than 2 weeks. I'm not ready. I ran 24 miles on Sunday, but took a couple of breaks. It will be interesting.

Then come January 1st the REAL fine tuning for Boston begins, and I need to get my mind right again.

5 Months To Go.

So it's "official" I guess, I have a new coach. It's my good friend Shelly, who saw me to my first sub-four hour marathon in 2012. We started doing some runs together since her recovery from having her second baby, and she is back with a vengeance. Shelly ran track in college and is a smart cookie. She listened to me boo hoo a bit on our runs and decided she was going to pull up her old training plan from when she qualified for Boston a few years ago, and tailor a plan for us to be marathon strong this spring. And she'd do the training with me.

She also knows I want to keep a base for my triathlon season next year, so she worked diligently over the weekend to create a plan that includes my cross training.

I had been focusing so much on the run with Ryan's plan, so I really scaled back on the bike and basically haven't been swimming at all. I decided to get back on the bike a bit before the temperatures plummet to an intolerable level.

Fall is beautiful and I really enjoyed the last few bike rides I have done, before the leaves turn brown, wither, and fly away.

My runs have been pretty decent. I got a fast 4.5 miler in yesterday with an average of 7:19/mile. That's super fast for me. I have a half marathon on Sunday and high hopes for a PR. My best time for 13.1 miles is 1:44. I think I can do it.

Still trying to get a little outdoor yoga in, but daylight is just disappearing and the temps make it hard to be warm and flexible.

I don't HATE any pose in yoga per se, but there are a few that are very challenging for me. It's just a fact that when you hit your forties, the back just doesn't want to bend deeply, regardless of your past history of super bendy flexibility. This one makes me gasp and groan:

Bow.

This is just not the prettiest either, mainly because I just can't get the deep bend going and lift the chest. But they say that avoiding the asanas that are difficult is bad practice. That even at my age I can regain a ton of flexibility that will serve me well if I keep trying, every day if possible. So I will backbend a lot.

Onward!!!!

Role Reversal

Again, it's been a while since blogging. Not my intent when I started this thing. I miss writing, but right now it seems like an overindulgence in a time when life is busy and demands me to use my spare time productively.

And, as usual, lots and lots of things going on. Mostly in a good way. But nothing ever expected. Which has its own beauty and design.

The first thing is that my coach for Boston had literally fallen off the face of the earth. He'd been off the grid for over a week, not responding to messages or emails. I was over a week and a half without a plan for the next 4 week cycle. The Type A nut job side of me wanted to bang my head against the wall and bite every fingernail off, or pull each hair out of my head in a panic.

BUT… I am slowly evolving into a different creature, thanks to the calm and positive affirmations I am teaching myself to use every day. NO ONE should put all their hopes and dreams completely in someone else's hands. I learned this lesson all too well last year. My goal and efforts are mine alone. I have a brain in my head and shoes on my feet. I know how to move forward. Ask questions. Do the research. Execute the workouts. So onward I go. I have rationalized that this was meant to be this way for whatever reason. That perhaps the Universe decided that this was how I was supposed to learn how to develop confidence and figure out what I need to do.

So…. as I typed all of that out I got a message from him, but no plan attached.

Onward. It'll all be okay. Life happens to other people. I know he's a great guy, but he just has priorities. It's time for me to remember my dream is not the only thing that exists in other people's minds and lives.

Speaking of coaches…

A while back I mentioned that I am co-leader of the No Meat Athlete running group here in Virginia Beach. Also a member of this group is an amazing guy named John Dempsey who lost about 150 lbs on a plant based diet, and has found his inner running junkie. John is quite the character and completely inspirational. When his friend Josh LaJaunie completed the New York City Marathon about two weeks ago, he was completely inspired and said that one day he wanted to run one too.

Why not start training for one? I became the devil on his shoulder. He was already doing 10 miles+ at this stage, and I thought 5 months was plenty of time to pick up the distances and be ready for his first full. I offered my support in terms of a plan and motivation. He seemed hesitant at first, but after a good discussion on a group run last Saturday, he said he was in. He is going to go for it. And I've a greed to be his "coach."

I think it's the perfect time for this big goal; John's gone through some amazing changes in the past couple of years… a story so inspiring Rich Roll posted a picture of him on his Facebook page. And if you don't know who Rich Roll is, you need to IMMEDIATELY go to Amazon and order his book Finding Ultra. I would say this book was the vehicle for my dietary changes and the inspiration to push on with my passion for endurance training. His podcast is one of the most listened to of all of the fitness and health offerings on iTunes.

Speaking of diet, I don't talk much about it with respect to my training here. I'm definitely more about the workouts, but since joining my veggie group I've become more inspired to focus on my fuel. The honest truth is this: I don't do my nutrition as well as I should. It's not a focus. But here's where I go wrong: I eat minimally in the morning. Sometimes only a banana and coffee. I go and do a heavy workout. I eat a fruit and nut bar. Then I eat a salad and a piece of fruit for lunch. The salad is usually awesome.

But then the end of day hits and my body is STARVING. I get home from work sometimes as late as 8-9 pm and I want to stuff my face. Veggie burger, bread, anything with carbs… and then throw in a glass (or two) of wine, and the next thing you know the bulk of my calories are consumed late at night.

And did I mention that I drink waaaaaay too much coffee?

Kinda love this mug.

There are so many things to change here. 

In my fantasy world, I become interested in cooking (I hate spending time in the kitchen… just put me on a bicycle instead) cool gourmet vegan dishes like tempeh salad and bean and sweet potato stew. I drink water with lemon all day and and have a steaming cup of green tea instead of coffee. I have no alcohol on weekdays… and only a glass or two on the weekends if I'm out with friends or celebrating after a race. I've thought about completely abstaining from alcohol altogether. I do love a good glass of wine, though. And a super cold beer after a hard race. I have too much German blood in me.

I think about these things but another day begins and my ingrained vices start before I've even had a chance to allow my neurons in my brain to fire. Im already sipping that coffee and looking at the clock and thinking I don't have time to eat a big breakfast before I run, and the last thing I want is a full stomach. So I run on empty and I'm in a rush and don't eat that breakfast. I eat my salad at lunch, but I'm not satiated. And the cycle continues.

I know the answer. It's not one of life's difficult unsolved mysteries. It's like anything. You know what you need to do, you just make the DECISION that you will change, and you do. Maybe it's one thing at a time. Maybe it's the replacement of coffee with tea. Maybe it's making overnight oats in the fridge or having the fruit cut up and Vitamix set out. These are conscious decisions and the discipline to execute them and make them the new norm.

It is my hope and my goal to get better in this aspect of my training journey, as much as the running, the  cycling, the swim, or the yoga.

Aaaah… the yoga.

On the running front, I keep plugging away. I foolishly signed up for a 50K that will take place in about 5-6 weeks, and don't have the mileage behind me to fare well. I just have many friends who will be there and I want to be a part of it. I will take it very slow and just find my way to the finish line, no lofty goals or expectations.

My shorter runs have improved. I threw down a 5 miler yesterday with an average pace of 7:22. My body is acclimating a bit to faster paces. I have big hopes of getting a PR at the upcoming Harbor Lights Half Marathon in a week and a half. I should be able to do it unless things stack against me.

In the meantime, I will keep it moving! I have John to focus on, and will keep my discipline in order to keep my Boston training intact.

The Next Phase

So my last post was a little "funky" as one might describe it… a consequence of the war that sometimes wages between the two aspects of my personality: the girl who wants to overachieve and do MORE and get BETTER (before Father Time makes it impossible)... and the girl who wants and NEEDS to reign herself in, and feel peace with where she is, feeling no pressure to be more than what she is at this very moment. And totally fine with it.

When I started this "Road to Boston" blog my intention was to be Miss Factual Serious-Pants: I had a goal. I want to achieve it. This is how I do it. Nuts and bolts. No fluff. No whining. Shut up. Execute. Report the results.

But I realized something as I started this "new" journey and goal… and that is that this phase of my life requires my authenticity. The numbers mean little. The miles don't even mean much, if the heart behind the effort isn't whole and full. Life isn't always full of fluffy puffy clouds and positive days. But we choose how to offset the gray, rainy, and dismal days. They are just a part of it all. Accept them. Embrace them. They cannot be avoided.

Over the past couple of days I've let so many things bother me. I took things personally. I got bitter. It's the classic blunder: we create our own reality by judging the actions of others without asking the questions.

I have become obsessive about my goals and dreams. It is the consequence of having to put things aside  for so many months while I reevaluate my life and passions. I cannot expect anyone else to completely understand. How could they? They haven't walked in my shoes, experienced my highs and lows, or understand why. how, or what makes me tick. I'm not sure I even know myself.

So when I hired a coach I wanted accountability. I wanted someone with a shitload of experience to tell me what I was doing wrong and how to fix it. I wanted feedback. I wanted a swift kick in the ass. I wanted someone to care as much as I did (do) about the outcome of my efforts. I was willing to pay for it. Pay beyond my means. As if this would fix the some insatiable need in me to prove that I CAN and am ABLE to achieve beyond my expectations for myself.

But… as life would have it, my hired coach is a busy man with many clients. My journey is only one of many… including his own. He needs to prioritize… and unfortunately my needs are a little low on the list at the moment.

Texts unanswered, plan not delivered. And I have a choice. Become outraged and embittered, or just press on.

And so...

And the choice is to try to move forward, and feel the positivity!

I am blessed to have so many encouraging people in my life who are willing to help me on this journey. Often times I have to remind myself that I am not worthy of it, but I am so full of gratitude that I have them. The other alternative is a straightjacket and a lockdown in the psych ward.

And when desperate times call for desperate measures, there is my paddle board:

Namaste.

The next phase starts tomorrow.

The Path Unseen

Today's Mantra: "You do not have to see the entire path. Just take one step."

Yesterday morning before my run I got up early, and sat down on the rug in the quiet dark and just stretched and took deep breaths. I thought of where I am, where I've been, and where I want to be. And how that totally depends on my mindset. It depends on my dedication, my determination, and casting any negative thoughts out of my life. This is as close to a meditation as I could muster at this point. No burning candles, no chanting, no trances. Just a moment of affirmation. It was brief, and perhaps not as "cleansing" as true meditation might be. But a small step was taken and for that I'm proud.

In one of my yoga classes I had an instructor who would tell us before we would go into savasana that we should release our "dragon breath." I feel like this is what I need to do. Every morning. Breathe out the burning fire and breathe in the cool fresh air.

Speaking of cool and fresh, the temps were in the upper 40's Monday morning and I took advantage on my 5 miler. When it's cold I hustle; and my pace reflected how chilly I was. I was shocked to see my pace in the 7:20's less than 24 hours after a 20 mile trail run. I did wrong though; Ryan said for me to go easy and that pace was not easy. I was pushing. Why I cannot listen to his wisdom is beyond me. Sometimes, when I'm out there alone in the dark, I feel like I've got something to prove.

This morning it was almost like Groundhog Day. Got up, did my quiet pep talk in the dark, and took to the road again and managed a 7 miler at a 7:40 pace. It's getting a bit easier… well, until the end. I pushed at the end. Finish strong.

Less than a half hour later I was burning up in spin class. I closed my eyes and just focused. Definitely uncomfortable, but not in pain. Got off the bike and did some weights and core work. Felt good to not focus on the run so much and branch out to the arms a bit. I'll be sore tomorrow.

I have been eating very, very well the past few days. Totally plant fueled and feeling good. I've been focusing on my protein and eating lots of chickpeas and hummus, tons of veggies. Less sugar. Taking my multivitamin and B12. I am down 4 lbs since the beginning of the month, close to my pre-ironman weight last year. Haven't been drinking enough water, however. Still drinking too much coffee. Have to work on those things. I ALWAYS have to work on THOSE things, it seems.

On Day 3 of this "Wake Up" program I am supposed to remind myself of my victories, and they are victories that were direct results of positive changes I've made. Not intended to be a brag-fest, it's an exercise to remind yourself that you are capable of goals you have set before yourself, even when you were in a place of not believing. It's like a reminder and proof that the method works.

My victories. With respect to my hobbies (running, triathlon) I think I have a few victories to report, I guess.

1. My very first race was a half marathon in September of 2008 (age 38). I wanted to start running and finish running… no walking. That was my goal. I did it. I remember how hard it was, but I pushed through the misery… the hip pain, the heat, the desire to quit. I finished with a time of 2:27:13. From a girl who couldn't run a full mile the year before, it was a big feat and a victory.

2. I wanted to do a full marathon when I turned 40. I did the training solo and I was not very motivated. A girl online had agreed to do the race with me, but backed out with 2 months left of training. I held my ground and showed up at the starting line of the OBX Marathon with only one sad 16 mile training run under my belt. My goal was to see if I could finish in less than 5 hours. Thanks to the kindness of a stranger who ran the whole way with me and encouraged me, I finished the race in 4:48:33. I vowed to do it again, and better.

3. In 2012 I participated in my first official sprint triathlon after buying a road bike off CraigsList and practicing with a group of very supportive cyclists. The ocean swim made me nervous but I felt okay on the bike and surprised myself on the run. I truly shocked myself with a strong finish, taking 2nd in my age group, and 17th female overall. A new passion was born and I immediately wanted to take it to the next level. A month later I ran the Richmond Marathon with a friend who pushed me… and finished in 3:49:23, only 4 minutes off Boston qualification and a whole HOUR improvement on my very first marathon performance 2 years prior.

4. In May of 2013 I participated in my first half ironman distance triathlon. It was the toughest event in my memory, if I'm being honest. Going from extremes of severe cold to blazing hot, all while being under fueled and dehydrated. I went about the whole thing wrong. But somehow I ended up 1st on the podium in my age group. I still loved it. I decided I was truly hooked to the sport… either that, or making myself suffer.

5. In September of 2103 I did the full ironman distance. I look back at the event fondly now, but it was crazy HARD. I crossed the finish line in 12 hours and ten minutes, alongside my training partner, who was an exceptionally better athlete than me and pushed me hard all summer. I got third female overall and won a check for $500. I got a plaque that said I was third place in the Mid-Atlantic region USA Triathlon Championships. It was the only plaque I proudly displayed on my dresser, and possibly the one event that I am most proud of as an athlete. I still look back at that moment and wonder if that was really me.

6. Two weeks after the ironman I ran the Wineglass Marathon in 3:43:52, BARELY qualifying for the Boston Marathon. Ironically, that was my dream goal at the end of 2012 but triathlon sucked me into an abyss and Boston seemed like an afterthought by the time I got to New York. Endurance training got me through it, but my body was wracked. Still so proud of the accomplishment.

7. In December 2013 I ran my first ultra: a Trail 50K through a state park. I took second place in my age group and was the 6th female overall.

8. Winter '13-'14 I ran the Tidewater Distance Series (10, 15, and 20 milers) and became the first female overall for the entire series.

And that was my dream year. Many "victories."

Because this exercise is to highlight the positive, I will leave it at that. Tomorrow I will have to touch on the negative, and what has to change.

In te meantime, yoga soothes my soul.

Back to training. Dragon breath out.

Time to Wake Up

The relay was such a great thing for me, and the timing was right too. I was just about to enter the sad, deep cave of self-pity, as my planned ironman of 2014 is taking place next weekend and I will not be there. I deferred that race until next year for too many reasons to go into. But I had missed competing and participating in races so much, and the experience of last weekend really helped lift my spirits and rekindle my passion for endurance events. I feel so much better, it's like someone gave me shot of carbs and electrolytes to save me from a spiraling bonk. I just feel motivated again. It feels good. I haven't felt this optimistic in months.

In other good news, I met with my running coach yesterday over coffee and we talked SPECIFICS about how I'm going to progress and achieve my goal at Boston. It's no wonder he's good at sales and a sponsor for several companies. He has a way of making you believe. He talked to me just at the right time. I was on a high from participating in the relay and just felt a good vibe. My paces have been dropping (albeit little by little) and holding, and the cooler temperatures are making their way in every morning and a tremendous help. I'm not in pain anywhere. I'm not sick. I'm ready to go. I've got a jolt of angry determination in my belly that I want to see put to good use.

These are some of the things we discussed:

1) It's okay to have fun with races until the end of next year. I can do whatever I want… even go at the 50K ultra again in December if I'm so inclined... as long as: a) I don't get hurt (i.e., be CONSERVATIVE) and b) I follow his plan and strategies to the LETTER come January 1st until race day. In other words, there will be NO shenanigans or rogue events after the first of the year. This is "serious business time" if I want to see a PR in Beantown.

2) We will be incorporating different strategies help guard the notorious wall in the marathon. I have the bad tendency to run on feel almost every run over 20 miles that I've ever done. I start off strong and fast and finish weak and slow. The wall in the last fourth of the race is a result of poor tactics and strategy in the areas of pace, hydration, and fueling. Because of this, we're going to try specific pacing during my long runs (which will include at least four 20+ milers) and he may even make me walk through his mock aid stations. He is also going to try me out with some various endurance drinks that he uses that have protein in them to take in at very specific times during the race.

The goal is to execute the plan on race day, just as practiced. Barring any totally weird circumstances such as a blazing hot day, a torrential downpour, or another terrorist bombing, the race should be not so much effortless but completely prepared for, mentally and physically.

And because I've never ever done a marathon with a true strategy like this, there is no reason why I can't PR. So the expert says.

3) We also talked a lot about my triathlon life and cross training. He's all for cross training. Loves the cycling, swimming, and yoga. In fact, we plan on meeting at the gym occasionally so he can show me exercises to help improve my cadence. But again… I have to protect myself from injuries, and once January hits it will all be about Boston. So as long as I can keep my rogue behavior in check (my New Years Resolution) then I can keep my tri base (because once Boston is over I'm donning the wetsuit and tri singlet again).

Sooo…. I'm pretty excited about visualizing what he's talking about. I know people may think I'm far too serious about this stuff, but this is how I see it: I still have a capable body. I enjoy pushing it. Soon as my age advances I will probably peak and then my performance will start to dwindle. I may have a hard time with that, but I know it's on the horizon, and when it happens, I hope to accept it with grace and a good attitude. But while I still see potential in me to perform better than before, I will challenge myself to do so. It's just me. For better or for worse, I need to be challenged.

Speaking of plans and strategies…

The other day I received an email from the blogger Matt Frazier, thanking the many people who stepped forward to lead local vegetarian running groups around the country. In the email he attached a document which outlined a program he entitled "Wake Up". This program is a 31 Day directive to enable you to incorporate a positive change into your life. I guess Matt has done a lot of reading about how and why people become successful at making a change and breaking bad habits. It appears there's almost a "science" to the step-by-step process one goes through to develop a new habit and make it stick. I found the whole thing really interesting.

Each day there is an action, and you do what you can to follow it.

On Day 1 you are supposed to choose an anchor habit. This new habit is supposed to be something… an activity or action… that brings you deep joy. It is something that maybe you would love to do but can't always find the time to do. In other words, it's not an urgent. It's just for you, but it is POSITIVE for your mind, body, and spirit.

As I look back at what I've done "well" over the past couple of years, it would be to do some form of physical activity every single day, whether it be running, swimming, cycling, yoga or whatever.

I also enjoy photography and take photos almost daily. I love to write. I love listening to new music.

At first I wanted my new anchor habit to be meditation. But I need to be honest with myself. Right now, meditation does not bring me "deep joy" as I wish it would or could. The simple fact is that I don't know how to do it. I sit in silence with my mala beads. I think of a mantra. I say it to myself, but I don't necessarily feel the peace and tranquility that is supposed to wash over me and cleanse me. I don't have the control over my negative thoughts as they rush in when my mind quiets. And then I'm stressed. Stressed that I'm not free. It's a very, very difficult thing for me.

So as much as I would like to LEARN and practice the ability to meditate, I fear making it my anchor habit. It's only because it isn't fulfilling as of yet.

So then I thought of yoga. I would venture to say that I ALMOST do yoga every day. Between the Instagram challenges and class with Yoda Jen, I definitely have incorporated the physical practice and asanas on a regular basis.

Last Wednesday's Hot Vinyasa class.

But do I do it ritualistically, every single day? No. There are days that I do not even stretch. So I suppose I could tell myself that I will minimally do a flow, backbend and inversion at least once daily, and consider trying a new pose at least once to twice a week.

The other thing I had considered was to carve out about 20 minutes each day to do upper body work I need so desperately: push ups, resistance bands, weights, burpees.

Joyous? Hmmmmm… probably not.

What if I:

1) got up a little earlier than I already do (ha!);

2) sat in silence with a mantra for 5 minutes and do my best to meditate on the words;

3) do a set of push ups, sit ups, burpees, dips, and weights.

4) followed with a short flow that includes one backbend, inversion, and attempt at a new pose.

5) got on with my day.

Too much to ask of myself?

Maybe. But I want to try.

Day 2: Keep a success journal about your efforts to keep this anchor habit going. Could be as simple as typing out the words "I did it." Well, I have this blog. I also have a journaling app on my phone called "DayOne."

My physical and emotional health depends on this.

I'm doing pretty well at keeping my physical health in line. My Sam's Club readout on Saturday afternoon:

Great! But are you healthy in your head?

So Day 2, and ready for action.

Oh and I ran 20 miles this morning with friends. Just like that. On a rooty and hilly trail. I feel strong and I'm fighting to shake off the temptation to cry over my ironman quest being put on hold.

Break of Day

"Elevate your inside game. A negative attitude is below the horizon… a place for lonesome hearts."
- T. F. Hodge

This week my goal was simple. To get back on track, stick to the plan, and keep a good attitude intact. It's amazing what a mental adjustment can do for your physical performance.

I got a boost on Sunday reconnecting with my former running buddy Shelly… I had an epiphany after our 10 miler and realized that as much as I want to prove I have the strength to progress on my own, running is just more fun, rewarding, and enjoyable with a friend. And Shelly knows how to push me. Her experience, fitness, and most importantly her strong attitude gets me motivated. She agreed to pace me for my next half marathon, and I'm just so thrilled to have a goal again.

Aside from the horrific car key fiasco Tuesday morning, my training has been good. I was supposed to have a down week… lots of recovery, but unfortunately last week I let myself down so I needed a little bit of redemption. I was happy to see my runs all falling into a sub 8 min pace, even my 7 miler that I slugged out at 5:30 am Thursday morning before a looooong 12 hour day at work.

Friday morning the sky was clear and the air cool so we got up early and drove down to Sandbridge Beach and watched the sun rise over the sea. Tried to get some yoga in (of course) but I have to admit that my body was resistant and inflexible that early. My backbends were tough. My balance was off. But the sun was beautiful.

Later that morning I met up with Jim and Garland, my two cycling friends readying themselves for their ironman races in the next 2 weeks. We swam in the Chesapeake Bay. I had the longest swim I have done in months. I loved most of it but after about a mile and a half I started feeling queasy. So I quit a bit early… I was hoping to pull the full 4000 meters. I was slow (by my standards) but I can't complain.

I am trying so very, very hard not to be sad and deflated that I am not doing Beach to Battleship 140.6. I will let it go. It's not my time. I will see my friends compete and do their best. I will feel proud of them. I will bide my time. I will stay focused on my dream: PR at Boston.

Then… I will be an ironman again. 2015 will be my year.

And I have so much to look forward to. I continue my missions with #90daysofmindfulness and the No Meat Athlete running group. I am going to be more dedicated and focused on nutrition for this training cycle, and look forward to exchanging ideas and camaraderie. 

And next weekend… an EVENT! A race! 200 mile relay with people I met on DailyMile. There are two other vegans on my team. I'm looking so forward to participating in an event FINALLY. It's been a weird year.

NOT looking forward to wearing a tutu. But a tutu I will wear.

The Key to Sanity

Today marks 200 days until the 2015 Boston Marathon.

It is also the first day of my second session of #90daysofmindfulness, a project dream child of a girl I coached as a youngster. She is now an artist and yoga instructor, and aspiring vegan, who is quite an inspirational human being. I have agreed to be an ambassador for this initiative; it's basically a social media movement in which people feel supported in their efforts for positive change, whatever that change might be. It can be fitness related, diet related, or anything else that brings positive change into your life.

In the last session, I threw out a very simple and measurable goal. I wanted to achieve King Pigeon pose in yoga. That was it. No big life change, no humungous event to tackle or train for. Just a pose that involves a serious backbend and shoulder flexibility. The irony is I came close, but in fact, do NOT have the pose.

What I did gain was a lot more: I did yoga most every evening, documented it in photography through the help of my family and friends, expressed my creativity, and read so many beautiful and inspiring quotes that filled my spirit with peace and motivation. I can't say that my participation was a failure then. It was a great experience.

This go round my goal is possibly a little less measurable, but definitely more fulfilling. My goal is to pay it forward. I'm not going to go into long detail of it… but basically I was probably one of the most selfish human beings on the planet last year. I was chasing a dream… and got caught up in it heart and soul. I forgot the peripheral people in my life. I neglected them, while they sacrificed to support me fulfill my needs and wants.

I don't have a lot of experience, but I have some. I see people striving to reach the same goal I met last year. I see people struggling with changing their eating habits. I have friends who could use some support in becoming healthy. I will do my best to make myself available to them. I will train with them, run alongside them, swim with them, bike with them. I'll be a cheerleader. They were there for me. I hope to be of some use to them.

In the meantime I know myself. I need to keep my a goal for myself intact, or I will lose my sanity. And I can't be of any use to anyone if I'm in a straightjacket.

So I just have to be a good manager of time, and keep my goals intact. I want to run the Boston Marathon in the best running shape so that I can get a personal record there. I just want to give it MY best…. whatever that is. I want to bring what I am capable of. And I know I am capable of more than I have done in the past. Not to be negative, but aging will limit my progress soon enough. I will reach a peak for my body and that will be the threshold. I want to see that limit. I want to see where it is. After that I will have to accept the destined path. I hope to keep myself going in a way that keeps me happy, healthy, and sane. That's the key.

Speaking of KEY, I have a funny story. Well, it wasn't funny at the time.

My goal this week was to get BACK ON TRACK. Last week I came up short. This week I wanted a different scene. A different vibe.

So on Tuesday I took my run to a new venue. I drove to the local grocery store, parked my car, stuffed my key in my shorts pocket (done it before, no problem), secured the velcro and off I went into the morning fog.

About halfway in I was inclined to feel my pocket. No key bulge. My pocket was EMPTY.

If that wasn't bad enough news, I let the situation sink in that I do NOT have a spare key. It was lost some 3 years ago and never replaced due to the expense.

I retraced my steps. Scoured the ground and the grass. No key. No key. NO KEY.

I made it back to the car and NO KEY.

True panic set in. This has never happened to me before.

I call my neighbor in distress. HELP! She agrees to come and rescue me while I figure out who I'm going to call and write that million dollar check to.

As she rolls in to the parking lot and I get in, she says: "Soooo… there's this random key that's been hanging on our key rack for a long time. I'm not trying to get your hopes up, but it's a Toyota key and I have no idea who it belongs to."

Guess where the spare key to my car has been for the past 3 years (or so).

In other news, the #SilhouetteYogis Instagram challenge is over. No winners selected, but I'm not worried about it. I got such positive feedback from the sponsors that no matter who gets the freebies, it was a winning experience. I'll participate again.

Some of the shots for the project:

Toe stand (with "rag doll" variation)

Standing backbend

Upward facing bow with leg variation

The Virginia Beach No Meat Athlete Running Group is up and "RUNNING."

Sounds like it's going to be another wonderful community for people to thrive in.

Off to yoga class. Got on my bike today and it was gooooooood.

Labor Day Weekend, and Beyond. Catching Up.

So I have completely slacked on this blog. So much for my tireless discipline. My goal was to keep myself very, very accountable to my goal… and this was a vehicle, just like my training, to keep my head straight and organized.

But life happens. You get busy, you get distracted, blogging discipline falls away.

Internet access sometimes becomes an issue, and often there just isn't enough time left in the day. And so there it is.

So I'll try to catch up some…. doesn't matter really, this is for my own purposes really, and I have been (for the most part) keeping my training somewhat intact. I just haven't been writing about it.

So I left off right before Labor Day. The family and I packed up and drove south to Lake Gaston to spend a couple of days at a lake house with my husband's family. The house was beautiful, the weather was great (for the most part), and the kids had a blast. I was completely disassociated with the world with no internet or cell service. Overall it was a great experience.

I got some pretty good training in. I love training in new places, especially when I have to train alone. It can be nerve-wracking too, but it just invigorates my mind a little to have something new to look at when you're putting the miles down.

On day one I got up early for my Saturday long run. I called it my "Lake Gaston Rock 'n Roll Half Marathon"… in honor of the race taking place back home in Virginia Beach.

Got up at sunrise and set out with my Garmin and just followed the country roads. I decided I'd go about 6 and a half miles out and then turn back.

The view of the sunrise over the lake at about mile 4.

The run was "decent" but I had my issues. There were some hills, especially in the beginning, that made it kind of a tough start. It was very humid and warm already at 6:30 am, and I had no water with me.

At about mile 5 I stopped to take the above pictures. Normally on long runs I prefer not to take any substantial breaks, because it disrupts the endurance rhythm I'm going for, but I looked at the sun rising over the lake and I simply told myself "Do what you love because you love what you do." This wasn't a race and no matter what, I'd put the miles down this morning so take the moments to snap a shot or two. Now I can always look back to the images I saw on that run. And they were lovely. This is what makes running worth it.

I got 13-ish miles in that morning, and I was pretty proud of that. Given the elevation, humidity, and lack of hydration I was completely satisfied with my pace. I know my coach would like for me to be in the low 8's or high 7's for these, but this is where I am.

"Lake Gaston Half" splits.

I brought my road bike with me so the next morning I set out on a solo trek. It was an adventure for sure: no cell service or GPS, no sense of a route, and in a pretty desolate area of North Carolina. A year ago I would have never done such a thing. But I'm braver by the day on the bike and wanted to go, so I went.

The morning was truly spectacular. The sunrise was lovely and of course I had to capture the moments in images.

Sunrise over Lake Gaston in Littleton, North Carolina

Country road sunrise

A quick bridge stop to capture the scene

Here is how I would describe this ride: interesting (I got to see all sorts of images of "Po Dunk, NC" life: bait and tackle shops, trailers, shooting ranges, and lots and lots of run down churches), tough (the rolling hills were a challenge on my fatigued legs), and tougher (at some point during the ride a storm worked its way in and the wind blew in my face on the way back… luckily I didn't get caught in a downpour).

I got about 33 slow miles in… not too long, not too short. I went far enough to feel comfortable that I wouldn't get lost forever on desolate North Carolina country backroads.

After I got back I decided to try to go for a swim in the lake. I forgot my real goggles at home so my poor husband tried desperately to find me a pair, just to make me happy and support my training (and avoid the grumpy aftermath of me not getting a swim in). Not an easy feat out in the middle of nowhere in Po Dunk. But he found a cheap pair at the Dollar Store. And they were cheap. I took them out of their packaging, attempted to put them on and they immediately broke. So I had to basically tie the things together to get them to stay on my face.

I went for a swim. The water was murky brown and speed boats and jet skis were everywhere, passing close by to my left and throwing out pretty decent wakes that I had to contend with. I felt disoriented but swam down to someone's dock and then just turned back. I think I only made about 1500 yards. More than a sprint tri, definitely less than a half iron. When I got out of the water my rash guard was stained perfectly dingy brown.

Last morning there I needed another run so I was about to set out when my husband's cousin said he wanted to join me. I don't get a lot of company on runs anymore these days so I was happy to have a buddy.

We started out chatting on those hills but about a mile or so into it he fell back a bit and I kept a steady pace. We did about 7 miles. I remember that it was insanely humid. We both sweat buckets and had to jump in the lake afterwards to cool down.

So all in all a good weekend and some good training to boot.

Feeling ten years old.

So that was almost 3 weeks ago and a lot has happened since.

I got in to Boston. I'm going. The acceptance already came.

Still a long way off, the true work is ahead of me. I want to enjoy the race of course. And I know I will, er, I hope I will if nothing interrupts the training process and I keep myself strong.

That's just it. Keep myself strong.

Last year I thought I was strong. And I may have been stronger physically than I ever was in my entire life. But mentally I think I was weak and dependent, and this time I need to find it within myself.

My coach will be there, but as of this moment in the process he and I have not REALLY worked together. He has given me a plan. I try to follow it. I do the runs alone (most of them) and he and I have chatted minimally. He doesn't know me yet, and hasn't provided a whole lot of feedback thus far. 

I have accepted this as a pretty understandable circumstance… I am in a speed and base building phase and there really isn't much to say. I'm not brand new to running, and I'm not far off of where he planned for me to be. So what really is there? I'm sure as the event draws closer we will have more to discuss and tweak.

But it is my absolute HOPE and DREAM to be absolutely ready in April to make it memorable.

So I will continue to try to keep myself going and appreciate and savor the process.